It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
