can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
only you would photoshop your dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
