just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
