He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
