How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
