Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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