ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
