if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
