Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
