This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
