It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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