I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
