oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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