Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's blow job season.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
