they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
