I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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