I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
