Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
