I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
