I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
