But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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