Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
