U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
