New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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