I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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