so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
