yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
