Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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