And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
