If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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