I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
