cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
