I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
