And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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