Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
