Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
