angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
