dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
