Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
