No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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