Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
