You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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