This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
