The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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