You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
