I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize