can u get pink eye on your cock?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
