Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
