I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
