she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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