Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
