his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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