Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
