why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
