it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
two words...techno handjob
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
