you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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