just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
