Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
