Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
