well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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