I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
