I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
