Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
