I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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