If i come over, it means nothing
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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