so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
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Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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