JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
