Porn is love you can see.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
