I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
