Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
