I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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