I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
