saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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