i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
