dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
