Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
