if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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