he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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